*Waves* Hello people. Is there anyone there? LOL. Probably not. It’s 5:55a on this gorgeous Monday morning. Yesterday was not a great day for me emotionally but I’m determined to make today a great day. It might not be easy but it will happen! I’m still having so many internal battles going on and it’s driving me up the wall. I’m definitely feeling like I need to disappear for a while. Maybe I can just find somewhere to go. Or better yet just leave everyone alone for a minute. I need some me time. I feel like almost everyone wants something from me that I can’t give them. I don’t know. I just have so much on my mind. Tonight I almost burned down my house. I would have if it wasn’t for someone online making a comment about making tea. When she said that it dawned on me that I had the kettle on the stove. I was just about to go to sleep at that moment. I’m so thankful for God’s grace.

There are so many reasons that women and men gain weight, but I’m prepared to blame my recent weight gain on depression. I’ve been depressed for the past few months and I’ve definitely been gaining weight because of it. That may sound like an excuse but it’s really not. Since I’ve been depressed I’ve been sleeping a lot and unable to get out of bed. Because of that I usually only eat once a day at dinner time. By dinner time I’m so hungry from not eating all day that I eat more than I should. Or I eat the wrong things. And I recently read something about a pill called Orovo detox and they said that weight gain can come from the buildup of toxins in your body. that’s also been a problem for me. Boy, depression effects you in so many ways.

Wow, I think this is the longest time I’ve gone without posting all year. I’ve been doing sporadic posts on my other domain, but for the most part I haven’t been wanting to blog at all. I’ll catch up. Basically I stopped blogging because I was going through a lot of stuff and I suddenly became extremely depressed. It’s so weird because depression just comes down on you. I’ve suffered from depression for a very long time and it occasionally makes an appearance. This time was pretty bad because I couldn’t get out of bed for a few days. All I did was cry. LOL. It was weird. At one point I looked down at my finger and my nail was breaking and I got back in bed and cried for 30 minutes. Of course it’s funny now…

As of right now I’m feeling a bit better. I’m still unable to walk and I have a lot of pain, but emotionally I’m in good spirits. Depression sucks because you never know when it’ll come back. I’m just trying to be as happy as I can. Things in my life are OK. My family is OK. My uncle has been staying with us because of some drama he’s going through. I’ll blog about that on my other site. SMH. Our home has become the Holiday Inn. I’ll try to update the site tomorrow. Busy work is always good.  Thanks so much for the comments. I love you guys.

I’m going through so much crap right now, man. There’s some test. Or something. But I can’t even bring myself to blog about any of it. Here or on the other site, because it’s depressing. LOL. I get depressed thinking about it. I don’t want to be one of those people…. Those people that make you want to blow YOUR brains out. SMH. But yeah. Right now, I swear I would die without music. I don’t have anything else. I seriously listen to music all day. Sometimes it makes me happier…. sometimes sadder, but it makes me feel things. I can’t ask for anything better. This is my song of the moment. I live for Alicia and Mariah. It doesn’t get better than them.

Today has been a really horrible day. Man, I’ve never cried so much. I feel like I’m on an emotional roller coaster. Life is a dude, a tell you. It just gets the best of you all of the time. Boo. Today I banged up my knee pretty bad again. I’m not sure if it’s the bone pain or if I actually injured it. I can’t really remember what I did to it. It’s possible that the bone pain is just getting worse. Either way, my mom is on my back to go to the hospital. I might take her up on that offer.

Wow, if feels as if I haven’t blogged in a long time. How has everyone been? How was your weekend? My weekend was CRAZY. I would get into that, but I posted a damn near 500 word post about that on my other site this morning. After all of the crazy stuff that’s been happening to me, I feel really depressed and screwed up mentally. I’m not sure how much therapy is going to help, but I’m giving that a try. I’m also going to try to confront some stuff from my past that I can’t get past. I’ve had a lot to take in this weekend and all of it made my so physically sick. Today was a better day though. I kept the drama far from me and just surrounded myself with positivity. I’m about to go get in bed and meditate. Haha. Or something.

After typing my “Down Again” blog last night I stayed up for a while longer and then I went to sleep. I had so many bad dreams during the night. In all of the dreams I was killing myself. It was so surreal. Usually when I have dreams and something bad happens to me, I always awake before I get hurt or die, but my dreams last night were really strange. In my dream I went to sleep because I was depressed, but I kept waking up with blood all over me and being angry at myself for doing whatever it was that I did. It was almost the same as what actually happened. This morning when I woke up I did some thinking and then I typed an entry in my other blog and just sat here. I don’t feel as broken as I did last night, so I guess that’s a start.