A-Miracle.Net/Log

Archive for the ‘Personal’ Category

Keeping Account

I was going over some of my past entries on this blog and it’s crazy how sad most of them are. I’ve been suffering from depression for a few years now, but you never realize how bad things are until you go back and re-read something that you wrote when you were feeling at your lowest. I really wish that I could be consistent enough to keep a private journal again. Either on the computer or a hand-written one. I really want to write in one of the dozen journals that I have, but because I have bad arthritis I can’t write more than a sentence without my hands getting tired. I think keeping a journal will help me keep things in perspective.

I definitely want to keep a private journal instead of a public journal or blog because I want to be completely honest and transparent without holding anything back. I’m definitely going to try and make that happen sooner rather than later. It will be a great thing for me.

Just Thinking…

I’m really getting so annoyed with the way my websites have been looking. I want to take some time (hopefully before the New Year) to get them together. I want to put up some new layouts and maybe even purge some entries. I feel like there’s really no joy left in blogging. I guess because everyone is into micro-blogging with Twitter and Facebook. I guess I’m left out because I don’t use either of the services. I just feel like I’m in such a different place. Sometimes I feel as if I’m an alien and I’m just visiting here. Of course I don’t believe in aliens, so that just means I’m completely out of place. Who knows!

Besides that, I’m going to be working on my art site a little too. I’ve been posting things on my art site for a while now, but I want to do a new layout and separate the portfolio from the blog. I think that would be a good idea. I wish I could promote my art site more without social networks and stuff. I’m really not into that, but it seems as if that’s where everyone else is at right now. Twitter, Facebook and Tumblr. Blah.

Fair-Weather Friends

I was reading this thing that someone I follow on Tumblr posted about how to know whether or not your friends are really friends and it gave me so much to think about it. It truly made me realize that I have few “real” friends. If any. I always try to be there for people that I call friends, but they definitely do not do the same for me. I think most of the people I let into my life use me for whatever they are lacking at that moment and then when they get to where they want to be they just forget about me. I know people have their own lives, but I think if someone really felt that you were their friend they would make time. I guess that in itself says a lot.

One thing is certain, I’m tired of letting people suck the life out of me. I’m tired of being the one to send a “Have a great day” text. I’m tired of remembering other people’s birthdays when they forget mine. I’m tired of lending a shoulder and getting a voicemail in return. That’s another subject though. This isn’t a depressing blog though. I’m not angry, I’m just tired! Lol.

My Creative Baby

I forgot to blog about this when it happened, so I’m going to blog about it now! Last week my Goddaughter came to see me! My cousin’s cousin on her dad’s side got killed, so they were in Jersey for the funeral. I actually got to spend a good deal of time with my Goddaughter, and boy do I love that little girl. Well, she’s not little anymore. She’s almost taller than me. She’s so awesome though. I like her so much. I mean beyond loving her, I really like her. I’m so proud of her because she’s very intelligent and responsible. She’s also pretty funny and creative too.

When she was here she let me read this story that she wrote. It was inspired by Justin Bieber, of course. It was so entertaining. She hadn’t completed the story yet, so when I was reading it and it abruptly ended I was so disappointed! I made her sit there and write another page. I can’t wait until she completes it. Love that girl!